There Are No Experts

During my past four years as a stay at home mother, I've occasionally taken odd jobs to help with our finances. Because of all my experience, and because my goal is to not put my girls in daycare, I usually end up working in childcare, which I love.

Currently I work for an agency that provides overnight help for new mothers. Recently I was at a new job, getting to know a new mother. Of course we first went over my experience with my own children and the five years I worked in child care centers prior to becoming a mother. Then we moved on to discussing her beautiful baby, and the mother began to express some of her concerns to me, and to ask my opinion on something, beginning with "Since you're an expert..."

When it comes to babies, there are no experts. The word expert implies that you know what to expect, and since every baby is different, you never can. There are the general things that remain consistent, the generic things listed in parenting books and gone over in newborn care classes, but those things are never specialized enough that a knowledge of them would qualify someone to be an expert.

I am an expert when it comes to my four year old. I know when she's just pretending to need to go potty and when she really needs to go. I know when she's about to get sick and I know when she's about to have a melt down. I'm also an expert with my eighteen month old. I can tell by the look on her face if she's getting a diaper rash without opening her diaper. I know when she's hungry, and when she just wants food to play with. I know when bedtime is going to be a struggle and when she'll go right to sleep. You can be an expert when it comes to your own children, in fact you will be the ONLY expert in that regard. It just takes time, time getting to know your baby.

As I anticipate the birth of my third child, I do have certain expectations. I expect childbirth to hurt, although I won't hazard a guess at how long it'll last (my first was 27 hours, my second took over 74) I expect breastfeeding to be uncomfortable, but I don't know if it'll work this time (For one of mine it did, the other, it just didn't) I expect those first few months to be full of sleepless nights, but I don't know when this one will sleep through the night or if we'll struggle with colic, or what that nighttime routine might be. I don't know this baby yet, I don't know her personality, no matter how much I know about babies in general. I plan to be flexible, to give myself time to get to know this new little person, and slowly become an expert in her needs and wants. No book you buy will teach you those secretes, it's knowledge you must gain on your own.